


Knitting my way to you

by robliz



Category: Holby City
Genre: Berena Secret Santa, Christmas, F/F, Fluff, knitting AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:34:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21903811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robliz/pseuds/robliz
Summary: Serena runs a charity donating knitted items to those in need. She begins receiving beautiful knitted squares from a mysterious donor. When the donor, Bernie Wolfe, gets in contact with her she finds in her a new friend, but could it be something more?Based on the prompt "Warmth, snuggles, blankets, NO DEATH" from Sevtacular.
Relationships: Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe
Comments: 53
Kudos: 172
Collections: Berena Secret Santa 2019





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sevtacular](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sevtacular/gifts).



They began to appear in February one year. Serena thought nothing of it at first. Ever since she had begun the charity Warm and Cosy, she had been sent squares that were clearly first attempts at knitting. They went into the pile anyway. Surrounded by better squares, they wouldn’t be noticeable and the people that received the blankets made from the squares were usually just grateful for the warmth. She did however notice these knitted squares as they were knitted from such lovely yarn. There were some in a khaki green colour, some in a pillar box red and others in a deep brown. The yarn was flecked with other colours and was as soft as a baby’s skin.

When the next batch in the same yarn came in, it was clear that the knitter had been practising. There was a marked improvement and Serena smiled to herself thinking of the mysterious donor who was getting better with every square. She checked the package for a note. If the donors sent their contact details, she liked to get back to them with a note of thanks but there was nothing. She was about to put the squares into the pile to be sown into blankets when she thought better of it. If this knitter was going to continue to produce squares in that yarn, it would be nice to make up a blanket of just them. She fished through the pile and dug out the previous ones that she had been sent.

She spent much of her spare time that summer sewing together other squares into blankets ready for the winter. It wasn’t just squares that were sent her way. She also received plenty of donations of knitted garments. She sorted them all into their types and sizes. Warm and Cosy had been going for almost ten years now so she had contacts all around the country who could get items to those that needed them. Anything particularly beautiful, she put to one side. She liked to take photos of them and put them up on the Warm and Cosy Facebook page before they got sorted. She found that it not only inspired her regulars to produce more but, since the photos got shared, it tended to bring new donors in. Not that she needed more donors really. It was hard enough balancing running the charity alongside her day job in the hospital but it was important to her so she made it work.

Every few weeks there would be another parcel full of the beautifully soft squares of khaki, red and brown. And each time they arrived, Serena would put them aside into a separate box. They came in so regularly and so many each time that Serena wondered whether the knitter had time to do anything else. She wondered what had prompted someone to start knitting and then, as far as she could tell, never put down the needles. And to be so generous as to send so much to charity rather than keeping their hard work for themselves.

By mid-September, there were enough squares in the separate box that Serena decided to start sewing them together. She laid them out making sure that the early ones were spread out amongst the better ones. The next issue was finding a yarn to join them togethers. She really didn’t want to ruin the lovely squares by joining them together with a substandard yarn. Hunting through her yarn collection, she pulled out lots of potential ones and then dismissed them one by one as just not being perfect enough. Usually she would have made a decision and just used one of them but there was something about these squares that made her want to do the best possible job. She sighed and picked up one square of each colour. It looked like she was going to need a trip to the wool shop in town for this one.

The young women on the counter smiled at Serena when she came in. She was a regular in the shop and found the place comforting. She smiled back and tried to remember the woman’s name. Charlene, she thought but she couldn’t be certain. After a quick hello, she moved towards the back wall to look more closely at the yarns. She ran her fingers over some of them, assessing their softness, when she saw some familiar colours. There, tucked away in the corner, were balls of khaki, red and brown complete with flecks. She moved towards them and picked one up. It was as soft as the squares. She pulled out one of the squares from her bag to check the colour and it was a perfect match. So this was the yarn her mysterious knitter was using. She looked at the price tag and raised her eyebrows. The knitter must be rich. This was expensive wool. And to be producing so much, they must have bought multiple balls of it.

She thought about whether she should just use one of the colours of the squares to join them together. Unconsciously she reached for a ball of brown when her eyes caught on another colour in the row above. She paused for a moment and then reached up instead. It was the same brand of yarn but it another colour. This one was in a sky blue. She held it up against the other colours and smiled. It was perfect. It still had the flecks of colour in that the other yarns had and it was just as soft but the contrast was perfect. In fact, she thought, she might use a crochet technique to make the border more obvious rather than using one of the near invisible borders like usual. She grabbed a second ball of the same colour. It would do no good to run out part way through.

Serena handed over the eye wateringly large sum of money to the woman, Chantelle maybe?, at the counter.

“Got some special plans for this wool?” the woman asked.

Serena smiled. “It’s going to finish off a rather lovely blanket.”

“Donation squares?”

Of course the people that worked in the shop knew all about Serena’s charity. She’d talked to them when she’d first started and they always made sure to display posters about it. Serena always wondered how many of her donations came as a result of that publicity.

“Yes,” she replied.

“Well I’m sure it will be lovely then,” the woman said, “Particularly with such soft wool to finish.”

Serena worked at it over the next week. When she got home from work, the first thing she did was pick up the blanket and carry on joining squares. She loved the feeling of the soft yarn sliding through her fingers as she pulled it through with the crochet hook. She loved how the blanket was growing every day and how it would sit over her knees as she worked, keeping her warm against the coolness that was creeping into the house now that October was ending.

As the weather cooled, the hospital got busier and busier. The winter health crisis stretched out longer and longer each year causing Serena to work longer hours and eating into her time making the blanket. Alongside managing the rest of the running of the charity, dealing with donations, sending off parcels to where they were needed, checking the accounts, she barely had any time to get the blanket finished. Consequently it was almost November before she put in the final stitch and cut the yarn for the final time. She ran her hand over the blanket, still marvelling at its softness. It had come out really well, perfect even. She sighed. Every now and then a piece would come along that she just desperately wanted to keep for herself rather than sending on. This one was even worse than usual as she had put so much time and effort into it herself. But the mysterious knitter had donated the squares in good faith and so it would be unfair for Serena to keep it.

Still, this was definitely one for the Facebook page. She dug out her camera and laid out the blanket carefully on the floor. It was so large that it was difficult to get the whole thing into the picture. In the end Serena managed it by standing on a chair, the light carefully positioned so as not to show her shadow in the photo. Satisfied, she uploaded the photo to her computer for a final check and then headed for Facebook. She added the photo to the Warm and Cosy page with the caption “ _A beautiful blanket made with donations from a single knitter! Thank you to our mysterious donor, the recipient will be very grateful for such a soft blanket to keep them warm this year.”_


	2. Chapter 2

The blanket sat on the top of her donation pile over the next week. Everytime Serena walked past it, she ran her fingers over the soft material and thought about the person who had knitted it, still wondering about the circumstances that caused it to be created.

About a week after she’d posted the Facebook post, Serena received a message on the page. She didn’t think much of it when she spotted a notification on her phone during a long shift at the hospital. It happened from time to time, usually just people asking about where the donations go or expressing their love of the knitting she was showcasing so she didn’t bother checking until she was home that night.

At home, she pulled out her phone and looked at the message. It was from a Berenice Wolfe who didn’t seem to have a profile picture. She opened the message. 

_ “I wasn’t sure how to write this or what to say but I just wanted to say thank you for making my squares into such a lovely blanket. Bernie.” _

Serena leant her head back on the back of the sofa and smiled. So that was some of the mystery solved. Her knitter was a woman called Berenice (or Bernie?) Wolfe. The name struck her as slightly familiar but she couldn’t place it. She lifted her phone back up to reply. 

_ “H i Bernie. I should be saying thank you for knitting such lovely squares. It is your work that has made the blanket look so good. Am I right in saying that you are new to this knitting lark? Serena.” _

She didn’t have to wait long for a response.

_ “ Yes. My daughter got me into it earlier this year. I’ve not really progressed past knitting squares though. I see the other donations you put on Facebook and wonder how they could possibly manage. B” _

_ “It’s practice, that’s all. And having someone to show you the more complicated parts. Can you not ask your daughter to help? S” _

It was a long time until the next message came through. Serena headed through to the kitchen and began cooking while she waited. When a couple of hours had passed, she began to wonder that maybe she’d accidentally insulted Bernie. It was a shame, she’d seemed nice and it was always good to chat to a fellow knitter. She clicked through to Bernie’s Facebook profile page but it was practically empty. There were no photos and she only had one friend, a Cameron Dunn. No sign of the daughter she had mentioned and no clues as to her life or location.

A message did come through eventually though. In the middle of the night Serena’s phone beeped. She shot upright thinking that she was getting a call from the hospital only to find a Facebook message sitting waiting for her.

_ “ _F_ or reasons I’d rather not go into, my daughter isn’t speaking to me right now. B” _

Serena tapped her fingernails on her phone. She knew what it was like to have an uncommunicative daughter. It wasn’t like she’d heard from Elinor recently beyond a quick text message the other day to say that she was spending Christmas at her father’s.

_ “I’m sorry. I know how that feels and it’s rough. S” _

_ “You’re awake? I didn’t expect that. Hope I wasn’t the one to wake you. B” _

_ “It’s the curse of being an on-call doctor I’m afraid. I wake at the slightest noise worried I’m going to need to rush into work. S” _

There was something about talking to Bernie that made Serena feel calm. She knew that she should be annoyed at being woken up in the middle of the night for no particular reason but she just couldn’t feel anything other than happiness at hearing from Bernie. She snuggled down under the covers, her phone in her hand.

_ “You’re a doctor! How on earth do you find the time to do all your charity stuff? When I was working in hospitals I barely had time to see my children, let alone run a side business. You must be amazingly efficient. B” _

_ “A fellow medic then! I can’t say it’s easy but it’s something I really wanted to do. I suppose the MBA from Harvard helps me along as well. S” _

Serena didn’t question why she felt the urge to tell Bernie all about herself. It wasn’t like she usually detailed her qualifications to random strangers off the internet.

_ “That just makes you even more impressive. Anyway I’d better let you get some sleep. I’m sure you’ve got important things to do in the morning and don’t need an insomniac ex-medic keeping you awake all night. Sweet dreams Serena. B” _

_ “Sweet dreams Bernie.” _

Serena drifted back to sleep with a grin on her face. She knew so little about Bernie but she liked her already.

The messages continued over the next few weeks. Largely just inconsequential things about their days but Serena found that if she messaged Bernie late at night, she’d suddenly get much more open about her life. She learnt that Bernie had two children, the daughter that had got her knitting and then stopped speaking to her and a son training to be a doctor. Serena assumed that the Cameron Dunn from Bernie’s Facebook page was that son. She learnt that Bernie was the same age as her, give or take a few months, and up until recently had been a trauma surgeon in the army. Bernie hadn’t explained the reasons for her leaving the army or the reasons for her daughter not speaking to her and Serena wondered if they were related at all.

Then one morning she woke up to a message flashing on her phone. Unusually, it hadn’t woken her.

_ “I’ve been trying to work out how you joined my squares together and I can’t work it out. Would you be able to explain how you did it? B” _

Serena crawled out of bed and headed for the kitchen to make some coffee before replying.

_ “I can try and explain but it’s quite hard without showing you in person. Have you considered finding someone local to help you? S” _

_ “Please say no if this is too forward, but I think we’re both based in Holby. If you’ve got time would you consider meeting me and helping me? B” _

Serena paused. She put her coffee cup down. So Bernie was in Holby? That was interesting information. And then it struck her why the name had been familiar. Wasn’t there a Major Berenice Wolfe that had been flown into Holby almost a year ago? She’d never seen her but there had been a lot of talk about how Guy Self and Oliver Valentine had saved her life.

Her fingers itched to send an immediate positive response but she made herself think it through before replying. Because however much she would like to meet up with Bernie, she really was short of time. But then again, she had a couple of days booked off work in the next week. She’d planned to get on with some Christmas shopping but with only Elinor to buy for this year, how long would that take? And Bernie was so intriguing. It had been a long time since she’d had a female friend her age. It would be good to know someone outside of the hospital.

Mind made up, she sent a reply.

_ “ _N_ ot too forward at all. I’d love to meet with you. I’m free this coming Tuesday or Wednesday if that’s ok with you? There’s a nice cafe just tucked off the high street called Apple Tree Tea Rooms if you want to get some lunch. It’s warm and cosy! S” _

The reply came quickly.

_ “ _T_ hat sounds great. Thanks Serena. I’m free Tuesday. Shall we say 12? B” _

_ “Perfect. See you there. S” _

By Monday afternoon, Serena was giddy with excitement at the prospect of meeting Bernie. Raf stuck his head round the door of her office to check on her at one point.

“Everything ok?” he asked.

“Yes, yes. Just excited about meeting someone tomorrow.”

Raf raised an eyebrow. “A date?”

Serena blushed. “No, no. Nothing like that. Just a potential new friend.”

“Right,” Raf said, disbelievingly.

As Raf let the door shut behind him, Serena thought about Bernie. This was just a friend thing right? Because however much she felt drawn to Bernie, she was still straight. Or she’d thought she was. But was it normal to be so excited just about a new friend? Who knew. Well whatever happened, she was just going to take it as it came.


	3. Chapter 3

Serena was early to the cafe in the end. She’d woken up early, excitement thrumming through her veins, and hadn’t known what to do with herself at home. She’d headed into town and bought a couple of gifts for Elinor. Goodness knows when she would see her to hand them over but she knew there’d be hell to pay if she didn’t get her anything. It was only about half eleven when she entered the cafe and found a table in the corner. She ordered herself a black coffee and settled in to wait.

It was almost 12 when she realised that she had no idea what Bernie looked like, nor Bernie her. She shot off a short message to Bernie detailing what she was wearing and where she was sat in the cafe. No more than a couple of minutes later, the door to the cafe opened and in came a blonde woman leaning heavily on a cane. Her hair hung in messy curls around her face and, despite the cane, she looked lithe and limber. She stopped in the doorway and looked around before spotting Serena and making a slow beeline towards her. Serena stood up to greet her, trying not to gawp at the devastatingly attractive woman heading her way.

“Bernie?”

“Yes,” Bernie said, her face breaking out in a grin. “And you must be Serena. It’s so lovely to meet you at last.”

“You too,” Serena said, smiling as well. She held out her hand and shook Bernie’s, marvelling at her firm grip.

Bernie sat herself down heavily in the chair opposite Serena’s.

“Thanks so much for agreeing to help me,” she said. She lifted her bag onto her lap and Serena could see more of those beautiful squares within.

“You’ve made more!” Serena exclaimed, reaching forward to touch them.

Bernie blushed and nodded. “I only donated half of what I made.”

“What are your plans for these?” Serena asked.

Bernie blushed some more. “Thought I might turn them into a blanket as a peace offering to my daughter for Christmas.”

“What a lovely idea. You said she’d got you into knitting in the first place?”

Bernie nodded. “Yeah. She gave me the wool and the needles and taught me the basics. That was before everything went…”

Bernie stopped talking suddenly and looked embarrassed. Serena reached over and patted her hand.

“You don’t need to tell me anything if you don’t want Bernie. Now the way that I was joining the squares is a little complicated but I know an easier way if you find it too tricky. How about we eat some lunch and then I’ll show you after we’ve done?”

A small smile returned to Bernie’s face. “Yes. I’d like that. Thanks Serena.”

As they ate, Serena made sure to stick to safe subjects, wary of upsetting Bernie again. Serena talked about the hospital and the operations she’d done recently. Bernie began to open up and talked about operating in field hospitals while on deployment. By the time their plates were clean, Bernie seemed to be more comfortable again. The waitress took their order for more coffees and cleared their table giving them the chance to spread out the squares on the table. Serena, ever the prepared Girl Guide, had some of the blue wool in her bag alongside a crochet hook. She showed a hesitant Bernie how to hold it and where to push the hook through the stitches on the square. Her first attempt at the stitches was uneven but she improved rapidly.

“You can tell you’re a surgeon,” Serena said, “You’re really good with your hands!”

Bernie blushed bright red at the comment.

The problem was that even after an hour, Bernie had only successfully joined three squares together.

“I’m never going to get this done by Christmas!” she said when she noticed the time.

The words were out of Serena’s mouth before she could think it through. “I’ll come and help you. Where do you live?”

Bernie gaped at her, as surprised as Serena. “You will?”

Serena nodded. There was a part of her brain shouting at her, trying to remind her that she never had any time to do anything extra, let alone help someone with their knitting project but she ignored it. Free time was overrated, particularly when the other option was spending more time with Bernie.

“I can come now,” she suggested, “If you’re free?”

“Ok,” Bernie said, her eyes full of wonder. “It’s a taxi ride away though.”

“My car’s parked in the multistorey,” Serena said, “If you’d like a lift?”

“Really?”

“Of course.”

Serena paid up at the counter, refusing Bernie’s offer of money, and led them out of the shop. Bernie didn’t walk fast with her cane but she was steady. Luckily the multistorey car park was close by and in no time they were both settled in Serena’s car.

“Right. You’re going to need to give me directions,” Serena said.

Bernie directed her out of town into the suburbs not far from Serena’s house. They pulled up in front of a neat block of flats. Bernie hobbled up to the door and let them in before moving towards the lift.

“I’m on the third floor,” she explained, “Thank goodness this building has a lift.”

Bernie’s flat was rather empty, Serena thought when they got inside. The necessities were there but little else. She sat down on the sofa where Bernie indicated while Bernie went to rustle through the kitchen. She returned shortly with a packet of digestives clasped in her free hand.

“It’s all I’ve got,” she said, looking a little embarrassed again.

“Oh Bernie, we’ve just eaten. Stop worrying about being a good hostess and just come and sit down. Let’s see how much of this blanket we can finish this afternoon.”

The answer to how much of the blanket they could finish was almost half. With Bernie working on one side, slowly but surely, and Serena working more quickly on the other side, they were making good progress. And as they worked, they chatted.

“So what made you want to set up the charity in the first place?” Bernie asked.

Serena thought back to that day. “Do you remember the Christmas of 2009?”

Bernie shook her head. “I think I was in Afghanistan that year. Missed Christmas and didn’t even manage a phone call with my children.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

Bernie waved her off. “It was a long time ago now, nothing to be sorry for. Go on with your story.”

“Well that Christmas was particularly cold and snowy. And as I was leaving on Christmas Eve I caught a patient leaving the hospital with a pile of stolen blankets. I confronted him and he ran. I was younger then, and much fitter, and this patient had only just been discharged after a bout of pneumonia so he wasn’t in great shape. I managed to follow him and found a group of homeless people camped out under a bridge. Turns out he’d stolen the blankets for them. It was bitter that night and not all of them even had sleeping bags. I was shocked at the time. I’d known that there were homeless people in Holby but I thought they had hostels to go to at night.”

“And this was back in 2009?” Bernie asked, “So before all this austerity business kicked in?”

“Yes. Luckily I had a contact in a nearby church. I rang her and together we managed to get them into emergency accommodation for the night. They took the blankets with them though. The emergency accommodation was apparently always short on blankets. I went home and tried to forget about it all. I’d done what I needed to do that night but I couldn’t forget what I’d seen. The next day I started knitting a blanket to donate to a shelter but one blanket was never going to be enough. So I set up Warm and Cosy.”

Bernie had stopped crocheting and put down her hook. She gazed at Serena with wonder in her eyes.

“Wow,” she breathed, “You really are amazing.”

Serena ducked her head. “I just did what anyone would have done. And the charity is only successful because people like you donate their knitting.”

It was late before Serena noticed the time. The afternoon had gone so quickly working away and chatting with Bernie. She reluctantly stood up and bid Bernie farewell.

“Thank you so much Serena. I’d never have managed this without you,” Bernie said. She leant against the wall in the hallway as Serena pulled her boots on.

“It was no problem at all. I enjoyed myself,” Serena replied. In her mind she was searching for an excuse to see Bernie again. Then she came up with something. “Are you free tomorrow?”

Bernie looked slightly puzzled. “Yes. Why?”

“Well I’m going to deliver some of the knitting donations locally and wondered if you wanted to come and give me a hand?”

Bernie looked down then waved her hand at her leg. “I’m not sure I’ll be much help with this.”

“You could keep me company,” Serena said, trying not to make it sound like she was begging Bernie. “And one of the blankets I’m delivering is your one. Fancy sending it off to its new home?”

That was enough to entice Bernie. She looked at Serena with a smile on her face. “Ok.”

“Brilliant. I’ll pick you up at nine.”

“Oh no, there’s no need. I’ll just get a taxi to yours.”

“Don’t be silly Bernie,” Serena said, “I’m not far from here so it’s basically on my route. I’ll be here at nine. Make sure you’re ready.”

“Yes ma’am,” Bernie said, giving Serena a salute.

“See you tomorrow Bernie.”

Serena reached over and squeezed Bernie’s arm. She trailed her fingers down Bernie’s arm to her hand and their fingers briefly intertwined before Serena stepped away and opened the front door. She turned back as she reached the lift at the end of the corridor to find Bernie watching her from the doorway. She raised a hand and Bernie raised one too. Then she pressed the button for the lift and disappeared within.


	4. Chapter 4

The next day was cold and Serena pulled on her fluffy hat before loading up the car with knitting. She’d taken a little extra care getting ready that morning and was wearing more makeup than she usually would. The thought of spending more time with Bernie made her heart skip in a way she wasn’t yet ready to think about the reasons behind.

She was in the car and heading to Bernie’s in good time though. There were a few places that she had been donating to since the start and she still liked to make these deliveries personally. Today’s round was a homeless shelter, a hospice just outside Holby and then the neonatal ward at Holby City. There were three boxes that went into the boot, each one labelled carefully. It would be no good if the hospice received a pile of baby clothes! She pulled up outside Bernie’s flat and noticed her hovering in the entranceway. Serena waved and Bernie walked over to her, noticeably more stiff than the day before.

Bernie climbed carefully into the passenger side of the car and reached into the back to stow her cane.

“I hate the cold,” she muttered, rubbing her hands together, “It just makes everything harder.”

Serena reached out and turned up the heating. “Don’t worry, we’ll warm up in no time.”

They drove in silence for a few minutes before Bernie spoke again.

“So where are we heading today?”

“The homeless shelter on St John’s Street, Roundway Hospice and then Holby City neonates.”

Bernie nodded. “Which one is getting my blanket?”

“Well,” Serena said, “I thought I’d leave that one up to you. It’s probably a bit big for the neonates but either the homeless shelter or the hospice would be very grateful for it.”

Bernie fell silent. Serena risked a quick glance over and saw that she was deep in thought. Eventually she spoke again.

“I think I’d like to give it to the homeless shelter.”

“Ok. Any particular reason?” Serena asked.

“It’s how this whole thing got started isn’t it?” she said, “You told me about it yesterday.”

“I did.”

“It’s clearly a cause you are passionate about and I’m partly doing it as a thank you to you for all your help.”

Serena swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. “You don’t have to do that…”

Bernie turned to her and smiled. “I know but I want to.”

“Ok.” She glanced over at Bernie again. “Thank you.”

There was a small car park round the back of the homeless shelter, ostensibly for the staff. Serena parked the car in a free space before hurrying round the car to give Bernie a hand climbing out.

“I’m ok,” Bernie said.

Serena raised an eyebrow as Bernie struggled to her feet. “Really?”

“Well, maybe not ok but used to it. My physio taught me some good techniques.”

Serena nodded and went to lift the box out of the boot of the car. Bernie then followed her into the building, leaning heavily on her stick.

There was a cheery receptionist sat at a desk inside who greeted Serena with a huge smile.

“Hi Serena, got more of your goodies for us?”

Serena dumped the box on the desk. “Yes plenty, Harriet. And I’ve got a helper with me today.” She stood aside so Bernie was in full view. “Mind if I give her a bit of a tour?”

Harriet nodded. “Yes, if I could just get you both to sign in first. There’s a support group in the conference room so as long as you don’t disturb them, that’s fine.”

She pushed the visitors’ book towards them and the dutifully filled in their details. Visitors’ badges were pinned to their fronts and they were ready to go.

“I’ll leave the box in the laundry room like normal?” Serena checked and Harriet nodded.

“Thanks Serena. It makes such a difference to us.”

“Well it’s not just me, it’s all the knitters and crocheters that produce the wonderful items. Bernie here made enough squares for a blanket all by herself!”

Bernie blushed as Serena lifted out her blanket for Harriet to admire.

“Oh wow it’s so soft!” she exclaimed. “I know just the person for this one.”

She smiled and then leaned back in her chair to tap at the door behind her. “Paula, come here for a moment.”

The door opened slowly and a woman came out, pushing herself along in a wheelchair. She smiled at Bernie and Serena.

“Paula, come and look at the blanket Bernie has made for Serena’s charity,” Harriet said and Paula edged forward, reaching out a hand to touch it.

“Hi Paula,” Serena said, “Been a while since I’ve seen you. How’ve you been?”

“Not bad,” Paula said, “They’ve given me a job here, sorting out the mess that is their filing system. I’m hoping that with the regular pay I might be able to get a place of my own soon.”

“That’s fantastic. You look well too. Leg still bothering you at all?”

“Only at night when it’s cold. I talked to the doc and he just said to keep it wrapped up warm.”

Bernie shifted her weight. “I know that feeling,” she said and Paula smiled at her in sympathy.

Harriet beamed. “Well I thought you might like this blanket to help you stay warm.”

“Really?” Paula said, “That would be amazing.”

“Of course,” Serena said. “In fact Paula, are you busy at the moment? Fancy giving us a tour of the place?”

Paula glanced at Harriet.

“Oh the paperwork will wait. Go give these good people the insider’s view of this place,” Harriet said, ushering the three of them off down the corridor.

The tour didn’t take long as the shelter wasn’t large. Paula explained how there were a number of different sites around the city run by the same charity. This was the main base with the rooms for activities as well as a few rooms for residents upstairs.

“Thank goodness they have a lift!” she said. “Bet you’re glad too, Bernie!”

There was a large hall used for sports and large group activities. Stacked at the side was a pile of foldable beds.

“For the emergency winter protocol,” Paula explained when Bernie asked about them. “When the temperature drops below freezing, we take basically everyone who needs a bed for the night. It’s basic accommodation but far better than being out in the snow.”

Paula showed them her own room. It was just about large enough for her to turn her wheelchair around in and was decorated with paintings clearly done by Paula herself.

“Art therapy has a lot to answer for!” Paula said when she noticed Bernie looking at them.

Leaving the box with the rest of the knitting in, Bernie and Serena said goodbye to Paula and Harriet once the tour was complete and headed back out to the car.

“A worthy recipient of your blanket?” Serena asked once they were settled.

Bernie nodded. “She seemed nice. And I understand the problems with the cold. Do you know what happened to her for her to end up here?”

Serena shrugged. “I only know a little. I think it is a story like many others though of falling through the cracks. There aren’t many council properties fitted out for someone in a wheelchair so if the worst happens, losing a job, credit card debts, whatever, then many people just end up without anything. It never takes much to end up on the streets.”

Bernie nodded. “Can’t help but be grateful for my army pension and my little flat now. I don’t have much but at least I have that.”

The hospice was a few miles away just on the edge of the city. Once again Serena pulled the car into the car park and fetched the next box out of the boot. Then she noticed that Bernie hadn’t moved.

“Everything alright?” she said, opening Bernie’s door.

Bernie nodded. “Yeah. Just a bit achy and tired after all that walking round the shelter. Mind if I just wait for you in the car?”

Serena reached over and patted Bernie’s shoulder. “Of course. I won’t be long.”

She closed the door and headed into the hospice at a pace, mindful that she didn’t want Bernie waiting too long in a cooling car. It didn’t take long at all. She spoke briefly to the receptionist and left the box with them to sort out. Within minutes she was back at the car. Bernie smiled at her as she approached and she felt warm inside despite the chill in the air.

“One more stop and then back to mine for some lunch?” Serena offered.

“You don’t have to Serena, if you just drop me back at mine. You’ve put up with me for a long time over the past couple of days.”

“Bernie I want you to come to mine for lunch. Nothing fancy, just soup and bread. That’s if you want to come?”

Serena looked over at Bernie, suddenly worried that she’d pushed this burgeoning friendship too far. But Bernie raised her head to look at her and smiled.

“I’d love to if you’re sure.”

Serena grinned back and batted at her arm. “Of course I’m sure, silly woman. I like spending time with you. And you coming home will make the house less empty and quiet.”

It wasn’t long before they were both sat at the dining table at Serena’s house with a bowl of steaming tomato soup in front of each of them. Serena has dashed up to the neonatal ward at Holby City to drop off the last box leaving Bernie in the car once more. Then they had headed straight back to Serena’s house. Bernie had admired the kitchen as Serena bustled around it heating up the soup and slicing some fresh bread.

“Thank you for letting me come today. Sorry I really wasn’t much help,” Bernie said.

Serena reached across the table and gripped one of Bernie’s hands. “You were fantastic company. And like I said, that’s what I needed, not physical help.”

Bernie looked up at her and their eyes met and held for what felt to Serena like an eternity. She rubbed her thumb over the back of Bernie’s hand and thought about how beautiful Bernie’s eyes were.

She was interrupted from her reverie by Bernie’s phone beeping. Bernie jumped and then pulled her hand out from beneath Serena’s to pull her phone from her pocket. She read the message and gave a small, sad smile.

“Everything ok?” Serena asked.

Bernie nodded. “Just my son letting me know that his rota has come out and he’s working Christmas Day. Looks like I’m going to be on my own this year.”

The words came out of Serena’s mouth before she realised what she was saying. “You could come here. For Christmas.”

Bernie looked at her confused. “Serena, no. You hardly know me.”

“I know you enough. How long have we been talking for now? And anyway I’ll be on my own here as well. No point us both being lonely. Please come.”

Serena was aware that she was straying into begging territory now but she didn’t care. Suddenly the most important thing was that Bernie was with her for Christmas.

“Please?”

She stared at Bernie and watched as the other woman processed the words.

“Ok,” Bernie said after a moment. “If you’re sure. But you must let me help. I’m no chef but I can make a passable roast.”

“Agreed,” Serena said. She stuck out her hand and Bernie shook it. “You’ll come round and we can share the cooking.”

Bernie smiled at her. “Looking forward to it already.”


	5. Chapter 5

Serena was busy with work over the next couple of weeks and so didn’t have a chance to see Bernie again. Still, there were plenty of text messages exchanged and the odd phone call where they talked about their days and made plans for Christmas.

She had another day off just a couple of days before Christmas. With all her presents bought and wrapped and the house decorated, she decided it was time to brave the supermarket. On a whim, she texted Bernie to see if she wanted to come and help. Then, at least, she could make sure that she bought treats that Bernie would like as well. She tried to ignore how her heart leapt when Bernie said yes.

Bernie wasn’t waiting on the street this time when Serena pulled up so she called Bernie on her phone. There was a long pause before Bernie answered.

“Hello?”

“Hi Bernie, it’s Serena.”

“Hi. I’ll be done in a minute. Just finishing off some wrapping.”

There was a brief pause and then Bernie swore.

“Everything alright?” Serena asked.

“Hmm? Oh yes. Just getting into a tangle with the Sellotape.”

“Need a hand? I’m in no rush to get to the supermarket.”

“Actually that would be great,” Bernie said, relief in her voice. “I’ll buzz you up.”

There seemed to be a large amount of Sellotape stuck to Bernie when she opened the door.

“What on earth have you been doing?” Serena exclaimed.

“Ah. Well it seems that wrapping presents is not my forte.”

Serena shook her head as she removed her coat and shoes. “Well then, you better let me help then.”

There was a small pile of presents in the middle of the living room. Most of them were wrapped already, although to a standard that Serena would have expected from a five-year-old not a fully grown woman. There were two left though. One was a book and the other…

“You’ve finished the blanket!”

Bernie looked up at her and smiled. “Yes. Thanks to you for getting me going.”

Serena reached out a hand to it and stroked the soft yarn. “Well done you. For your daughter you said?”

Bernie nodded. “Yes. For Charlotte. That’s if she’ll accept anything off me.”

“Oh Bernie, I’m sure she will,” Serena said. She gently placed her hand on top of Bernie’s and squeezed. “If you ever want to talk about what happened, I promise I’ll listen and not judge.”

Bernie’s eyes flicked up to her briefly then she nodded. “Thanks Serena.”

Serena squeezed her hand once more and then reluctantly let go. “Right let’s get these presents wrapped shall we? How about you take the nice easy rectangular book and I wrap this blanket so well that Charlotte won’t be able to resist opening it!”

It didn’t take long for both presents to be wrapped neatly. Serena helped Bernie when necessary and managed to dig out a ribbon from Bernie’s drawer to tie around the wrapped blanket.

“How are you going to deliver these presents?” Serena asked, genuinely curious. She couldn’t imagine Bernie trekking around town on a bus delivering them all.

“Most of them are for Cam and Charlotte. Cam promised he would come round on Christmas Eve and as for Charlotte, well I haven’t figured that one out yet.”

“Do you need a hand? We can drop them off at her house if you like since I’ve got the car.”

Bernie pulled a face. “She lives with my ex-husband,” she said, “And I think she’s working today. I’d rather not see him right now.”

“Understood. As a fully paid up member of the embittered ex-wives club I would never want to put you in that position.”

It niggled at Serena that she didn’t know what had happened with Bernie’s past relationships. Was the divorce anything to do with her daughter’s estrangement or was it completely unrelated? Still, she wasn’t going to push Bernie into revealing more about her personal life than she was comfortable with.

“What about her work? Is it somewhere we could drop the presents into today?”

Bernie smiled. “Yes. That might work. She works in a shop in town so maybe we could call in?”

“That’s sorted then. Which ones are hers? We’ll call in on the way to the supermarket.”

Bernie directed Serena right into the centre of town. She seemed distracted as Serena pulled into a space outside a familiar row of shops and just stared out of the window.

“There’s 30 minutes free parking here,” Serena said, “That enough or should I put some money in the meter?”

Bernie shook her head. “She won’t speak to me anyway. There’s no point.”

Serena patted her knee. “Hey now, none of this. You are going to walk in there, hand over the presents and wish her a Merry Christmas. Maybe nothing more will come of it but you never know.”

Bernie took a deep breath and closed her fingers over Serena’s. Then she nodded.

“Ok. Let’s do this.”

Serena lifted the bag of presents out of the boot while Bernie clambered out of the car.

“Which one’s her shop then?” she asked.

Bernie pointed towards the one shop on the row that Serena knew intimately, the wool shop.

“Oh. Of course,” she said. Because really, the fact that Charlotte had got Bernie into knitting in the first place, the coincidental wool in the shop and the shop assistant that she now remembered was indeed called Charlotte, should have clued her in much earlier.

Bernie wasn’t paying any attention to her. The bag gripped tightly in one hand and her cane in the other, she was walking slowly but surely towards the shop door, her face set. Serena pressed the button to lock the car and then trailed after her, leaving enough of a gap so as not to put any extra pressure on Bernie.

There was a gentle tinkle as the door opened and they both walked in. There, at the counter, was the young woman that Serena now knew to be Charlotte.

“Mum!” she exclaimed as Bernie hobbled over to the counter, “What are you doing here?”

Serena hovered by the doorway, desperate to be there for Bernie but also not wanting to intrude.

“I…” Bernie’s voice wavered and all Serena wanted to do was to rush forwards and take her hand. But she didn’t

“I wanted to,” Bernie began again, a little more confidently this time, “I wanted to give you these. Merry Christmas.”

She brandished the bag of presents and Charlotte reluctantly reached for them.

“You do know that you can’t buy my forgiveness,” she said nonchalantly.

Bernie’s faced burned. “I know,” she muttered.

“Well if that’s all,” Charlotte said, “I’ve got customer’s to serve.”

Bernie nodded. “Merry Christmas” she said again.

Charlotte nodded back at her. Then Bernie turned and walked back out of the shop, her shoulders slumped. It was painful to watch and Serena wanted to immediately follow her and comfort her. But there was something else she needed to do first.

She grabbed a pen and a piece of scrap paper from her handbag and scribbled on it quickly before approaching Charlotte. It took a matter of seconds before she was heading back out of the door of the shop, Charlotte’s eyes following her as she did.

Bernie was leaning against the car when she left the shop, clearly trying not to cry. Serena didn’t think about it for a second just bundled Bernie up in her arms and rocked her gently.

“I’m so sorry,” she said, smoothing down Bernie’s hair, “I’m so sorry.”

“I deserve everything I get,” Bernie mumbled into Serena’s shoulder. “I did something terrible.”

“My offer to listen still stands but maybe not here in full view of everyone doing their shopping? We might make it onto the front page of the Holby Gazette though if you did- something to aim for?”

Bernie let out a brief laugh. She pulled her head away from Serena but did nothing to resist Serena’s arms around her. “Thanks.”

She smiled at Serena in a way that made Serena’s knees go weak. Serena cleared her throat.

“So supermarket or do you just want me to drop you home?”

Bernie shook her head. “No. I said I’d help with the shopping and I will.”

It turned out that they complemented each other well with supermarket shopping. Bernie pushed the trolley, her cane hanging from the edge, while Serena grabbed what they needed. She only teased Bernie slightly about the trolley being like a walker. It soon became apparent that Serena shopped purely from a shopping list whereas Bernie’s approach was more haphazard. Still, it meant that they not only ended up with everything that they needed but they also had some extra treats and surprises that Bernie had snuck into the trolley.

Once they’d paid and everything was packed into the car boot, Bernie turned to Serena, a serious look on her face.

“I think I need to explain about Charlotte,” she said.

Serena nodded. “Okay. Would you like to come back to mine? This shopping needs putting away and you can talk to me while I’m doing it if you like?”

Serena somehow knew that Bernie would find it easier to talk if her full attention wasn’t turned on her.

Bernie nodded. “Yes. Thank you.”

“Well that’s sorted then. 

Bernie sat herself at the kitchen table once they got in. Serena carried the bags of shopping in from the car and began to unload them into the cupboards. She opened the fridge and began to put things into it when Bernie spoke.

“I had an affair.”

Serena almost dropped the broccoli she was holding. That hadn’t been what she had been expecting at all. She turned slowly to face Bernie, giving herself time to school her emotions.

“Ok,” she said.

Bernie wasn’t looking at Serena. She was looking down at her feet, her hands twisting nervously in her lap.

“In the army. I had an affair. Even though I was married. Even though I was her commanding officer. God it was wrong on so many levels. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

It took Serena a moment to notice the pronoun in the middle. That was interesting.

“So Charlotte found out?” she prompted since Bernie had fallen silent once again.

Bernie nodded. “I got blown up and came home. And I tried, I really tried, to make things work between me and Marcus but I just couldn’t. It wasn’t even about her either. She broke up with me after I told her I needed to concentrate on my marriage.”

“Did you love her?”

Bernie nodded and then shook her head. “I’m not sure. I thought so at the time but then again I thought I loved my husband when I married him.”

Serena moved closer to Bernie, wanting to offer some level of comfort.

“I asked him for a divorce. At first it was all fairly amicable but then he started pestering me for reasons. I tried to put him off, tell him that we’d just grown apart, that it was just a thing that happened sometimes when you’d been married for so long. But he didn’t buy it. One night he must have gotten into my emails. And he found some between me and Alex.”

Bernie seemed to shiver at the memory. “He was so angry,” she whispered, “So angry. But I deserved it.”

Serena couldn’t stop herself reaching out a hand. “Did he…”

Bernie shook her head. “He never touched me, not once. But he rang me up and asked me to come round for a family meeting. Then in front of the children he read out the emails. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the looks on their faces.”

Serena pulled Bernie into a hug. “Bernie I’m so sorry. No one deserves that.”

“I did,” Bernie insisted, “I knew it was wrong from the moment I kissed her, but I couldn’t stop. Nothing had felt so right before.”

“Bernie,” Serena asked, “Are you gay?”

Bernie nodded into Serena’s shoulder.

“And did you know before you married your husband?”

Bernie’s shoulder’s shrugged. “I knew I was different. Hadn’t exactly figured out how.”

“Then, while the affair was indeed wrong, I can’t blame you for it completely. Particularly in the heat of war.”

Bernie pulled back and looked at her. “You don’t blame me?”

Serena shook her head. “Late in life sapphic realisations can be challenging, trust me.”

Bernie’s head tilted to one side as she continued to stare at Serena. “Trust you…” she said quietly, “Does that mean…?”

“While my story is very different from yours, I have also recently discovered that I am attracted to women.”

“You’re gay?” Bernie said, shocked.

“Well, bisexual.”

“Oh.”

“I do hope that’s not a problem,” Serena said.

Bernie shook her head firmly. “No no. Not a problem at all.” There was wonder in her eyes as she looked at Serena now.

“Well,” Serena said, pulling back and returning to the shopping, “I take it one of your children has forgiven you. Didn’t you say Cam was coming round soon?”

Bernie smiled. “Yeah. It took him a while but he says he understands now. But Charlotte still isn’t speaking to me.”

“All that wool for the blanket?” Serena asked.

“Bought for me just before she found out.”

“Ah.”

Bernie shrugged. “It is what it is.”

“Well I hope that she appreciates the blanket anyway. At least being a knitter herself, she’ll understand the effort you’ve put in. Maybe that will make the difference.”

“It’s a nice thought, Serena, but I don’t think so. My actions caused her not to speak to me and I just have to live with that.”


	6. Chapter 6

With Bernie spending Christmas Eve with Cameron, it was Christmas Day morning before they saw each other again. Serena had been up since 5am, having been woken by a rather incoherent text from Elinor wishing her Happy Christmas. She supposed she’d been out all night celebrating. But since she was awake, she’d decided to make a start on all the food preparation. It meant that she could spend more time actually with Bernie when she got there instead of being stuck in the kitchen all morning. She felt her face grow hot at the thought of spending more time with Bernie. Particularly after the revelation that Bernie was gay, her thoughts had been turning more and more to her, in more and more compromising situations.

The doorbell rang soon after nine. Serena almost dropped the turkey in her hurry to get to the door. She did however manage to place it carefully back in the oven and close the oven door firmly before heading down the hall.

Bernie stood waiting patiently on the doorstep, her eyes focused on something off to the right. Serena had a moment to take her in in all her glory. She’d clearly dressed up for the day and was in a smart red shirt over her usual tight black jeans. Her coat was slung over her shoulder and her cane seemed to have gained some tinsel.

“Bernie,” Serena breathed and Bernie’s head turned to look at her. Their eyes met and Serena forgot to breathe for a moment. Then Bernie shivered and their eye contact broke.

“Come in, come in,” Serena said, “Before you freeze.”

Bernie shuffled into the house and hung her coat on the hooks behind the door. “Sorry. I’m fine really. It’s just that the heating in the taxi was on really high and I hadn’t bothered to put my coat back on.”

Serena held out an arm to steady Bernie while she removed her boots. “There is nothing to apologise for. I’m the host. I should have let you in immediately.”

Bernie grasped onto Serena’s arm gratefully. She smiled up at Serena from her bent over position and Serena’s heart did another somersault.

“Something smells good,” she commented.

Serena felt colour rise in her cheeks. “It better do! The turkey is in the oven already and everything else is prepared and ready to go. Should be fairly easy to sort out now as long as I get the timings right.”

“Don’t tell me you’re one of those people who has all the timings written down in some kind of spreadsheet!” Bernie said.

Serena blushed further. “Well it’s not a spreadsheet but…”

She led Bernie into the kitchen where a large piece of paper had been placed on the table. On the paper was what Bernie recognised as a kind of Gant chart with all the timings for the entire meal planned out meticulously.

“Wow! I didn’t expect that!”

“I suppose it’s what happens if you do an MBA at Harvard,” Serena said, trying to ignore the fact that she was desperately trying to impress Bernie.

Bernie raised an eyebrow. “An MBA, a knitter and a doctor! Is there anything you can’t do?”

“Well I don’t think I’d be that handy with a tank.”

Bernie let out a honk of laughter. “So there is one thing I might be able to teach you then.”

It was comfortable having Bernie around the house, Serena thought. She made them both a cup of coffee and they settled down in the living room and just chatted about life. Bernie filled her in on her day with Cameron and Serena chatted about work and what her colleagues had been up to. It turned out that Cameron was to blame for the decoration to Bernie’s cane. He’d decided that it would look festive and that she didn’t have a choice. After he’d done it, Bernie had decided that it looked pretty good after all and so she hadn’t removed the tinsel after he’d gone. An alarm on Serena’s phone alerted her to when the next part of the meal needed dealing with and she found that sometimes Bernie followed her into the kitchen and they carried on talking and other times she stayed put on the sofa.

When Serena came to sit down after having basted the turkey for what was hopefully the last time, she found Bernie sitting on the sofa but with a present in her lap. She sat down next to her and Bernie held out the present to her.

“For you,” Bernie said, “Merry Christmas.”

Intrigued, Serena opened the present. Inside she found a small box containing a beautiful pair of earrings with sapphires set into them.

“Oh Bernie they’re lovely,” she exclaimed, turning them over in her hand, “But they must have been so expensive. I can’t accept them.”

Bernie shifted beside her. “They were expensive but you deserve them. You’ve done so much for me over the past few months. I don’t think you could ever understand how much of a difference you have made in my life. I was stuck in my tiny flat by myself with no friends and now I’ve got you.” She paused and stared straight into Serena’s eyes. “I think you’re the best friend that I’ve ever had.”

Serena felt tears prick at her eyes as she reached forward and grasped Bernie’s hand. “I feel the same,” she said. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt so close to someone so quickly before.” She squeezed Bernie’s hand and felt her squeeze back. “And I do have a gift for you as well.”

She stood and went over to the Christmas tree. She picked up a large box and brought it back to the sofa. Bernie looked at it confused.

“It’s so big.”

“It is,” Serena said, smiling.

“What on earth have you bought me that’s so big?”

“Open it and find out, you silly women.”

Bernie grinned and then began tearing into the wrapping paper. Underneath the wrapping paper was a brown, cardboard box. She tentatively opened that to find that the box was stuffed to the brim with wool, knitting needles and crochet hooks.

“Oh,” Bernie said, pulling out the top ball of wool.

“So you can continue your new hobby,” Serena said.

Bernie looked up at Serena. “Talking of expensive, this must have cost an arm and a leg.”

Serena shrugged. “I know where to get good quality yarn at a reasonable price.”

Bernie dug into the box and pulled out a ball of wool in a dark burgundy colour. She held it up to Serena.

“This would suit you,” she said.

Serena looked at her confused.

“I want to make something for you,” Bernie clarified, “To say thank you for such a lovely gift.”

Serena smiled at her. “You don’t have too…”

Bernie shook her head. “I know. But I want to.” She turned and smiled back at Serena. “Although you might need to help me. I’ve never made anything that wasn’t a square before. Are hats hard?”

Serena laughed. “Oh, don’t worry, hats are a nice beginner’s project. I’m sure I’ve got a pattern around somewhere from when I learnt. Come on, let’s go and look now.”

Serena tugged Bernie to her feet and they both set off. Serena paused at the bottom of the stairs, glancing at Bernie’s bad leg.

“It’s upstairs. Is that ok or shall I fetch it by myself?”

Bernie shook her head. “I can manage stairs, just slowly. I’d like to come with you.”

Serena nodded and set off up the stairs, Bernie following behind and leaning heavily on the bannister to manage the climb. Serena pushed open a door and Bernie found herself standing at the threshold of what almost looked like Charlotte’s shop. There were boxes and boxes of yarn all arranged on shelves with labels saying their weight and material. There were files full to bursting of knitting and crochet patterns. And there was a chest of drawers in the corner.

“That’s got all my needles and so forth in it,” Serena said, pointing at it.

“Wow,” Bernie said, “This is seriously impressive.”

Serena beamed at her. “Thank you. I’ve worked hard on getting it organised over the years. Now let me see. I think the accessories patterns are all in this folder.”

She pulled a folder off the shelf and began rifling through it.

“Aha!” she said after a moment, and Bernie who had been exploring the room further, came back over to see.

Serena handed her a slightly dogeared pattern. It had a picture of a woman wearing a simple beanie style hat in a bright blue on the front.

“I made one for my mother when I was first learning. It was a rather wonky effort in an unpleasant brown colour. She didn’t wear it much!”

“Thank you,” Bernie said, running her finger along the instructions. “I don’t really understand what it’s saying though. Is it written in code?”

“Oh I always forget how much of a beginner you are since your squares were so good!” Serena said, “Yes, it is written in a kind of code. Come back downstairs and I can talk you through it. It’s nothing like as complicated as it looks, and you already know the two main stitches.”

Serena got Bernie started on the hat before noticing the time and realising that the rest of the food needed to go in the oven. Bernie followed her through to the kitchen, trailing a ball of wool with her as she walked.

“I promised I’d help with the cooking,” she said as Serena tried to shoo her away.

“I know you did, and I’m grateful, but I can manage myself really. And I know you want to carry on with your knitting.”

Bernie relented and sat down at the kitchen table. She watched as Serena put trays of potatoes and vegetables into the oven for roasting and began mixing up some stuffing.

“Just Paxo,” Serena said, “I’m sorry I never seem to have time to make anything better.”

Bernie shook her head. “If I was home alone I wouldn’t even bother with stuffing. And anyway, Paxo reminds me of childhood Christmas dinners.”

By the time the food was ready, Bernie had made a good start on the hat. She stood and held it out to Serena and Serena took it from her, their finger’s brushing. Both of them blushed but since both of them looked away, neither noticed the other.

Serena inspected the knitting. “Your work is always so even and neat,” she commented before putting the unfinished hat on her head. “Not big enough yet though.”

Bernie laughed at Serena with a ridiculous half-finished hat perched on top of her head and Serena couldn’t help but laugh too at Bernie’s goose honk. Soon they were both in hysterics, gripping onto each other to keep themselves upright.

“Oh, I’ve not laughed like that in a long time,” Serena said, wiping her eyes.

“Me neither,” Bernie admitted, “I’ve not felt this happy in a very long time.”

Serena raised her eyes and looked up at Bernie. Only now did she realise how close they were standing. There were mere inches between her face and Bernie’s. And Bernie looked so happy, her cheeks flushed a gentle red and her eyes glistening. She couldn’t look away, didn’t want to. Bernie opened her mouth as though to say something but no sound came out. Serena took a step forward and Bernie edged forward as well. Hands grasped onto each other as they continued to stare into each other’s eyes. Serena leant forward, hoping that she wasn’t misreading the signs and Bernie leant too. Their noses brushed and Serena could feel Bernie’s breath on her lips.

The doorbell rang and both of them jumped and stepped away from each other, Bernie brushing her hair out of her eyes and Serena wringing her hands together. Serena turned towards the kitchen door.

“I’d better…” she began, pointing into the hallway.

Bernie nodded. “I’ll just…” she said, pointing at the oven.

Serena nodded. She stayed just a moment longer to watch Bernie take the oven gloves and slide the turkey out of the oven, her skinny jeans accentuating her physique before going to answer the door.

The person standing on the other side was not exactly a surprise.

“You came,” Serena said, “I’m so glad.”

Charlotte stood on the doorstep looking nervous. “I wasn’t sure…” she started before falling silent again.

“Come on in,” Serena said, standing aside to let her in, “Your mother’s in the kitchen. Let’s go see her.”

Charlotte slipped off her shoes and coat and followed Serena along the hallway.

Bernie was stood with her back to them, carving the turkey with a skill Serena didn’t possess.

“Bernie?” she said.

“Just a moment, I’ve almost done enough for us,” Bernie said, not turning away from the turkey.

She sliced another piece of turkey and laid it down on the plate next to her, already pilled high with neat slices of meat, before turning round and almost dropping the knife on the floor in shock.

“Charlotte!”

“Hi mum.”

Serena stepped forward and relieved Bernie of the knife before she could do any damage.

“What… I mean how?” Bernie said. She looked rapidly between Serena and Charlotte. “What… I don’t…”

Serena took pity on her. “Why don’t you and Charlotte go and talk in the living room while I finish off plating up?”

Bernie nodded but didn’t move.

“Charlotte would you like to stay for lunch?” Serena asked, noticing now that Charlotte seemed to be in a similar trance to Bernie. Like mother like daughter. “There’s plenty to spare.”

Charlotte looked over at Serena, seemingly surprised that she was still there.

“Would you like to stay for lunch?” Serena repeated.

“Oh. I don’t think I should…” she began.

“Nonsense. If you’ve nowhere else to be, we’d love for you to stay, wouldn’t we Bernie?”

She nudged Bernie who nodded on cue.

“Ok. If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure,” Serena said, “Now go and talk. I’ll have all this plated up and on the table in about ten minutes so you don’t have long!”

It was very tempting for Serena to go and listen at the door to hear what Bernie and Charlotte were talking about. She just wanted it to all work out between them. She paused outside the door once, while carrying a jug of gravy through to the dining room, just to check that they were actually speaking and not sitting there in silence. While she couldn’t catch any words, she could hear muffled voices. Telling herself that there was nothing more she could do, she continued with setting the table.

Ten minutes later, just as promised, she knocked on the living room door and stuck her head around. Bernie and Charlotte were sat on the sofa, Charlotte curled up against her mum and Bernie’s arms tightly around her. There was a small smile on Bernie’s face and Serena couldn’t help but smile back.

“Lunch is served,” Serena said, “If you are ready.”

Charlotte nodded and made to stand.

“You will stay afterwards,” Bernie said, reaching out towards her daughter, “So we can talk some more?”

“Of course,” Charlotte said.

Bernie stood and enveloped Charlotte in a hug. “Love you,” she whispered into Charlotte’s hair.

Serena felt like she was intruding on a private moment and stepped back into the hallway and into the dining room.

The other two followed her shortly and settled themselves down at the table.

“This looks lovely Serena,” Bernie said.

“It really does,” Charlotte commented, “It’s been a while since I’ve had a proper roast.”

“Well dig in,” Serena said, “Don’t let it get cold.”

There was silence for a few minutes while they all enjoyed the meal. Bernie’s eyes were trained on Charlotte and Serena felt her heart clench as she saw the love evident in Bernie’s gaze. She missed having Elinor around. She must make an effort to ring her after lunch. Hopefully she would have woken up by then.

“How long have you two been friends?” Charlotte said, breaking the silence in the room.

“Oh not long,” Serena said, “We only met a few weeks ago.”

Charlotte raised an eyebrow. “And you’re spending Christmas together. Moving pretty fast.”

Bernie shrugged. “Two lonely people with difficult relationships with their children. Is it really that unlikely that we might have wanted to spend the day together?”

“Hmm. Well I suppose Dad only met his new girlfriend a few weeks ago as well and I was forced to spend last night with her.”

“Your Dad has a new girlfriend?” Bernie asked, clearly finding out this information for the first time.

Charlotte nodded. “Didn’t I say? It was the cause of the fight this morning.”

“You just told me you’d had a disagreement. Something about him cheating?”

Charlotte glanced over the table at Serena, a little nervous about airing her family’s dirty laundry in front of the person she’d only known previously as a customer.

“I’ll leave the room if you two still need to talk privately,” Serena offered.

Bernie laid a hand on Serena’s arm, not letting her stand up. “No. If Charlotte feels uncomfortable discussing this then we’ll change the topic. I’m not making you leave your own table on Christmas Day.”

“No, no it’s fine. If you trust Serena mum, then I do too.” Charlotte took a deep breath and then continued. “So Dad made me spent yesterday evening with him and his new girlfriend, Dawn. She’s alright I suppose. But then this morning I overheard him on the phone to someone. I thought it was Dawn again, he was being all lovey-dovey, but then he called the other person Imogen. I waited until he got off the phone and asked him but he claimed that it was just his boss at work calling to see if he could switch shifts tomorrow. But his boss isn’t called Imogen. So I asked him directly and it turns out that he is cheating on Dawn with Imogen, a registrar at St James’s.”

Charlotte let out a sigh and took a mouthful of turkey before continuing.

“I was really mad at him. He’d spent months telling me how terrible it was that you’d cheated on him, how it made you a terrible person and how you could never be trusted because of it and then he goes and does the same thing. He claims it’s different because they’re not married but it isn’t. He’s just as bad.”

Bernie reached out a hand to Charlotte. “I’m so sorry Charlotte. Neither me nor your father is setting a good example when it comes to relationships.”

Charlotte shook her head. “I rang Cam at work. He explained some things to me. About how you didn’t know you were gay before. About how you’d tried to break it off with Dad gently. I know what you did was wrong but what I did was wrong as well. That’s why I came round to say sorry.”

“There’s one thing I still don’t understand,” Bernie said. “How did you know where to find me?”

“Ah,” Serena said, “I think I can explain that one. You see when you gave Charlotte her Christmas presents the other day, I gave Charlotte a note with my address on. I told her that you would be at mine for Christmas and that she was welcome anytime.”

Bernie just stared at Serena. “You did?”

Serena nodded. “I didn’t know she’d come, and I certainly didn’t know all of this was going to happen, but I wanted to give Charlotte the opportunity to see you if she wanted too.”

“And I do,” Charlotte said, “After I spoke to Cam, I opened the presents you gave me. That blanket mum, it’s amazing.”

There were tears in both Charlotte and Bernie’s eyes as they looked at each other.

“Thank you,” Charlotte said.

“You are very welcome.”

The bond between Charlotte and Bernie seemed to be well on the way to being mended and the rest of the meal was spent chatting about much happier things. As was to be expected, there was much discussion of knitting and Serena promised to show Charlotte her craft room upstairs once they’d finished eating.

Both Charlotte and Bernie insisted on helping with the clearing up, so Serena found herself being forced into the sitting room.

“Your turn to relax,” Bernie had said, handing Serena a glass of wine, “We’ve got it from here.”

It was nice to sit down and rest for a while. And the wine was indeed good. But Serena couldn’t help but spend the time wishing that she was with Bernie. Washing up didn’t seem such a chore if she was sharing it with Bernie.

She did however take the opportunity to ring Elinor who seemed willing to have a short conversation with her mother before she headed out to the pub with Edward and Liberty. Elinor was pleased that Serena had someone to spend Christmas with and promised that next Christmas she would spend it with her.

Charlotte slipped back into the sitting room first.

“Mum says she’s going to finish up by herself. She says you should show me your craft room. I don’t think she fancied the stairs again.”

“Of course. Follow me.”

Charlotte was fascinated by the room, but in a different way to Bernie. She had a better understanding of the level of organisation required, and also kept pointing out balls of wool that she’d sold Serena in the past.

“How did you two meet?” she asked Serena, “Mum never said.”

“Your mother sent me in some squares for Warm and Cosy. She got in touch when I shared the blanket I made from them on Facebook. We started chatting and became friends.”

“That’s sweet. Nice meet-cute.”

Serena smiled. She had no idea what a meet-cute was but she didn’t ask.

“It’s nice seeing mum so happy,” Charlotte continued, “I know haven’t seen much of her since the divorce, but I always imagined her sitting alone in her flat, all miserable.”

“I think that might have been the case up until recently,” Serena said, trying not to think about the state of Bernie’s life before they met. It was too upsetting.

“But now she has you, and she’s happier that I’ve seen her since I was little. She’s like a completely different person. So thank you Serena. Thank you for bringing my mum back to me in so many ways.”

Before Serena knew what was happening, Charlotte thrust her arms around her and hugged her.

“That’s quite alright, dear,” she said, “She’s brought a lot of happiness into my life as well.”

By the time they got back downstairs, Bernie had the kitchen gleaming. She’d also refilled Serena’s wine glass and got herself one.

“Would you like a glass?” she asked Charlotte who shook her head.

“No thanks. I’ve intruded on enough of your day. I think I’d better get back home now.”

“You are very welcome to stay,” Serena offered, “It’s lovely having you here.”

And it was true. Having Bernie and Charlotte in the house made it almost feel like a family home again in a way it hadn’t since Elinor had moved out.

Charlotte shook her head again though. “It’s been lovely being here, with both of you, but I really should go and try to make amends with Dad. I know he’s been an idiot but it would be cruel to leave him all alone on Christmas Day.”

Bernie went o show Charlotte out. Serena could hear a muffled conversation going on in the hallway while Charlotte put on her shoes and coat and then the front door opening. She stood at the window and waved at Charlotte as she drove off, Bernie stood on the driveway in her socks, leaning heavily against her cane.

It was a few minutes before Bernie reappeared in the living room. She was shivering and there were tear tracks evident on her face. Serena patted the space next to her on the sofa and Bernie sank down into the soft cushions. Serena pulled the throw off the back of the sofa and tucked it around Bernie to warm her up.

“Ok?” she asked and Bernie lifted her head to look at her.

There was a smile across Bernie’s face even as tears began to roll down her cheeks once more. She nodded.

“I just can’t believe she came,” Bernie said, her voice barely above a whisper, “I never thought I’d have such a nice Christmas again. Thank you.”

“Oh, love, there’s nothing to thank me for,” Serena said, not noticed the term of endearment that had crept in. “I’ve loved having you and Charlotte here.”

She shuffled closer to Bernie along the sofa and Bernie stuck a hand out of the blanket to hold hers. Their fingers intertwined and Serena allowed herself to enjoy the sensation of soft skin against her own.

“I’ve not been so happy in such a long time,” Bernie said, “I…”

She paused and Serena couldn’t help but get caught up in her gaze. There were so many emotions flickering across Bernie’s face. She slowly lifted her free hand and brushed the tears off Bernie’s cold face. Bernie’s eyes fluttered closed at the contact.

“Serena…”

Serena’s hand stilled on Bernie’s face and Bernie’s eyes opened once more. She seemed even closer than before, or was that just Serena leaning forward. She didn’t know or care in that moment. All she could think about was Bernie and how beautiful she was. Before she could think anymore, she closed her own eyes and leant further forwards until her lips met Bernie’s cold ones.

Bernie let out a gasp as their lips gently pressed together before wrapping an arm around Serena’s back and pulling her closer. The kiss deepened rapidly, neither woman seeming able to get enough of each other. Serena’s hand slipped back off Bernie’s face to tangle in her unkempt curls, marvelling at their softness.

It felt like hours later, although it could only have been a few minutes, when Serena finally pulled back from the kiss, Bernie chasing her lips as she moved. She sat back on the sofa, eyes firmly fixed on Bernie and their hands still clasped between them.

“Wow,” Bernie said as she caught her breath and Serena couldn’t help but lean in for another quick kiss.

“This is real?” Bernie asked once Serena had managed to extricate herself once more, “You really like me? Like that?”

Serena laughed. “Oh Bernie I don’t kiss people like that unless I mean it! Of course I like you. I more than like you.”

“Serena…” Bernie began, “God I like you so much…”

“Well that’s good then,” Serena said. She pecked Bernie on the cheek and watched as Bernie blushed. “Now I think we should put on a Christmas film and curl up together for the rest of the afternoon.”

Bernie nodded happily at her and as the sun began to set on Christmas day, they could both be found wrapped around each other under the blanket fast asleep as Carol came to its conclusion on the television on front of them.


End file.
